Monthly Archive: December 2016

December 20, 2016

Hello Friends. We’ve had a pretty good day here. Not so sad and that is a big blessing.

Tonight is one of those nights where I sit down and have no idea what to write. It’s so different now. Daily Kayleigh updates made perfect sense. Daily “us” updates seem a little boring. We don’t have the same urgent prayer requests; yet, your prayers are still just as important to us. Honestly, we probably need them now that we have this enormous loss even more than we did when Kayleigh was sick. At least then we had hope for healing. Now, we have hope for heaven. And while I am so very thankful for that hope, it still feels like that is so very far away. That if God grants us with long, full lives, I have another 50-60 years without my precious girl. I know that is no time in the grand scheme of eternity, but from an earthly perspective it seems so long. Such a long time to walk around without a piece of your heart.

And then, I read my devotion. It reminds me of Mary, the mother of Jesus. She didn’t question the Lord’s plan or analyze it from a human perspective, rather she had simple trust. Even though the rest of the world would see her as an unwed mother, she didn’t stray from the course. My prayer for myself and our family tonight was very specific. I prayed that the Lord would take our acute sadness and any self pity – and turn it into joy. Joy for Kayleigh that she has passed through this broken world on to perfect eternity. Joy that she is perfect, whole, and healthy. Joy.

Yes, I will always miss my Baby Duck. But her legacy will live on in the thousands of lives she has touched. Truly, we won’t know the scope of her impact until we reach heaven – but I know that it is wide and far reaching. What a blessing to be allowed to be a part of such a beautiful miracle.

I pray that we will be able to trust like
Mary. Following God’s path no matter what is going on around us or what other people think.

Luke 1:38
38 Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her.

Until tomorrow,

December 19, 2016

How thankful I am for another day. One where I was able to enjoy Grace and Cole as well as some quality time with my parents, brothers and their families. I’m still battling the emptiness, but it isn’t as intense. The Lord is good to grant me protection over my heart and mind. Indeed, His mercies are new every morning!

I pray each of you will be filled with the joy of the season. Even though the circumstances around us may be cold, dreary, or scary – knowing God is with us and for us makes all the difference. Knowing Jesus personally radically changed our make-up. All of a sudden we can find hope when other see none. What a beautiful gift from our Father.

Lamentations 3:23
23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

Psalm 30:5
5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Until tomorrow,

A special gift from one of Kayleogh’s prayer warriors.

December 18, 2016

The serious countdown to Christmas has begun. Amazingly, we have had a blessedly peaceful December. The Lord has protected our hearts in amazing ways. Blessing us with the ability to remember Kayleigh, yet continue on with life. Our house is usually filled with a quiet, steady, peacefulness – not grief – another beautiful blessing.

Today was a good day. A day filled with our church, church musical, and small group. It was so good to be in God’s house and with God’s people. And then tonight, a song came on the radio, and I broke. I don’t even know most of the words to the song. The only ones I really heard were “broken hallelujah.” And as the song played on and I heard those words over and over, I couldn’t help but feel that is what I have. My soul is still filled with hallelujah’s. With praise for my savior. But my heart is still broken.

As I always do when I begin to feel weak, I turned to God’s word and the verse and devotion were perfect.

Psalm 42:5
5 Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God.

Indeed. I will put my hope in God. My corresponding devotion said the following …

“The pain you feel doesn’t have to be negative; it doesn’t have to destroy you. On the contrary, it can be a bridge to a deeper relationship with the Father of you respond in the right way.”

It all comes back to my favorite word, choose. I have the ability to choose. Choose to praise my God through the pain. Choose to look for what He is teaching me. Choose to trust and find joy. Yes, my heart is battered. Yes, my heart feels broken. Yes, my tears still flow. But yes, my God is good. He is the master and I trust Him.

As Psalm 42:5 said… Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God.

Until tomorrow,

These are pictures from the summer. I just needed to post a few beautiful reminders.

December 17, 2016

It’s been a good day at our house. Tim and I finally got a good start of Christmas shopping!

This morning I was greeted by this picture. Immediately, I began recalling some of the amazing things God has done in our lives these last seven months. Looking back, I can see a direct correlation form our trust to God showing out in amazing ways. Every day is a new day with a new beginning. I pray each day that I will choose to make room for faith – not fear.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜

December 16, 2016

We made it to Christmas break – Hallelujah! I am looking forward to a little extra family time. Resting, Christmas baking, snuggling, and generally treasuring our time as a family.

It is so easy to see why this time of year is so very difficult after losing a loved one. I walk through stores seeing something Kayleigh would like, sometimes I’m reaching to pick up the item before my brain remembers that I don’t have a Kayleigh here to buy for any more. In those minutes, I find myself looking desperately to my Lord. Reaching out for His peace and comfort. Reminding myself that Kayleigh is now perfectly complete in His presence, lacking nothing.

And while it seems like I will have to live without my girl for such a long time (God willing), I know that all of my years here on earth will only be a tiny drop in a vast bucket of eternity. So each time the unexpected grabs me, I try to redirect my thoughts. I try to remember all of the things I am thankful for.

I pray each of you will be able to take a moment and reflect on what you have to be thankful for. If you love the Lord, no matter your circumstance, God can use all things for good. That is one of God’s many promise I have seen proven true in my life. How thankful I am for those truths that I have available at my finger tips.

Psalm 9:1-2
9 I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. 2 I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.

1 Chronicles 16:34
34 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜