Today has just one of those days. The devil has been on the offensive all day, attacking us from every direction. The weather was dreary, the kids didn’t feel 100%, work had numerous little hiccups, Tim hasn’t felt well, and all of us have had a “missing Kayleigh” kind of sad day. And to top it off I’m writing tonight’s post for the second time because a technology glitch ate the first one right before I could hit the “publish” button. I’m ready to go to bed and just start over tomorrow.
But in the midst of all the rubbish of today God was so good to give me one of His “ah ha!” moments. It never ceases to amaze me how those moment pop up at the most unusual times. Of course it’s the time I need them most, because this God of mine knows every little thing about me and exactly what I need.
So my “ah ha!” came as I tucked Cole in tonight. Night time is hard when you’re sad. Just too much time to think and Cole’s thoughts were on Kayleigh. So, I purposefully tried to help reroute Cole’s thoughts to something brighter. The PFK Foundation is a big topic of conversation around our house, so we spent some time talking about what the foundation is about, and how Cole could be involved and help. We talked about how even though Kayleigh isn’t here, we can keep her memory alive by continuing to fight in her name.
As soon as I uttered those words I started remembering some very specific prayer times I had with the Lord this summer. I remember praying for the impossible, for Kayleigh to beat DIPG. I prayed specifically that she would be the kid that beats it and is able to show the doctors how to beat it in other children. I prayed big, bold prayers – and God granted me such peace – peace that He was going to answer those prayers. And then, Kayleigh died. And my prayer weren’t answered. Or were they?
Enter the PFK Foundation. This foundation is Kayleigh’s legacy. It is coming together and growing by exponential leaps and bounds all because of our little fighter. Her story continues to grow. People continue to share. Our goal for PFK is to help Kayleigh keep fighting DIPG. And that’s when it hit me – even though she isn’t here – she can still beat DIPG. Her foundation will continue to fight in her name. Raising money to fund research. Being a voice for these children and families that just can’t speak for themselves right now. Kayleigh can still be the kid that helps the doctors figure out what to do next. And yet again, the Lord shows me that He did indeed answer my prayers.
When I prayed those prayers I really wanted Kayleigh to beat cancer here and stay with me on this earth. I know if God had granted her a miracle it would have been amazing, but it would not have galvanized people to move – not like the tragedy of her death has. And while I miss her more every day, I know that this is just a drop of time in the bucket of eternity.
This verse continues to play in my mind…
14b Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”
Perhaps I was made Kayleigh’s mommy for such a time as this. To continue her fight. To help her beat this cancer for other children and their families.
Because if anyone can beat this, it’s Kayleigh and her warriors. And because she’s worth the fight