My goodness the year is coming rapidly to a close! I find myself looking hesitantly toward a new year. As difficult as this year has been, it has still been a good year. One full of hope, trust, faith, learning, growing, changing, and loss. But even in that loss, we have been blessed to find joy. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this year is the turning point in my life. That some day, when I am old and gray, I will still look at this year and say “that is what changed my life, that is where God gave me my purpose.”
Truly, I don’t have a choice. The death of your child alters you in indescribable ways. There is no scenario where I can wake up and go about my life like nothing ever happened. My prayer is that the change wrought in me there past 7.5 months is one that will stand the test of time. That I will be able to discern exactly what God’s purpose is for me and apply myself to His work whole heartedly. That Kayleigh’s memory will stay alive through her story – and that her story will draw people to Jesus.
As I was reading one of my devotions today this passage stick with me… “His answer may not appear in the manner or time you suppose. But rest assured, He has greater plans than you can imagine. So continue to trust and obey Him completely, and anticipate the blessings He’s promised you with joy.” I have found this to be so very true these last months. Never once has God answered me as I thought He would (or should). But He has proven himself faithful to me in every way. Even when things looked bad, God never waivers.
So while a new year makes me a little uneasy – it’s a great, big, vast unknown – it also has me looking forward in anticipation. Anticipation to see just what God is going to do through our family and Kayleigh’s story.
Sometimes I just need to post a sweet picture to remind me of my girl. Mommy loves you Baby Duck 💜💜💜.