It has been a better day today. I am learning that this grieving process is an ebb and flow kind of thing. The strangest things allow grief to roll in – a random sock, the dirty PJ shirt I found stuffed under her bed. Knowing that she wore those things last… I found myself hugging that shirt and breathing deeply, looking for her scent. But it wasn’t there. It was just a rumpled shirt.
It would be so very easy to allow the sadness to suck me in, but I cannot do that. Grace and Cole – they count on me to be steady. Thankfully, I have discovered the perfect weapon to fight grief. Thankfulness. It’s hard to stay sad when you are saying all the wonderful things you are thankful for. The more I choose to praise the Lord, the lighter my burden becomes. I’m able to talk about my sweet girl, remember her, love her still. It is such an amazing gift.
Grace and Cole are doing pretty well. Both are back to school, working to figure out their new normal. I’m so proud of the way they continue to push forward each day. Cole still struggles. He just misses Kayleigh so very much. But we know God is good and trust him completely!
Romans 21:4 –
4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
Even in grief there are so many pace we can chose to be thankful for. Please continue to pray for each of us as we find our feet.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
‘Carrow, I admire you so much. Reading your blog encourages me and others so much. I live very close to you, and I walk every morning. When I walk by your house, I pray for you and your family. I prayed for Kayleigh’s healing- and I know she is healed now. As you, I prayed for her healing this side of heaven. However that was not God’s plan. I don’t even pretend to know what you are going through, but I know it must be very difficult. God put it on my heart to tell you that it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to grieve. It’s even ok to be angry at losing your baby- but just do it in His arms. Seek his help and comfort- as I know you do. You don’t always have to be strong. He is strong enough for you, and He can handle your feelings-even if they are negative sometimes. No one could ever doubt your faith in God. You are an amazing person who has tremendous faith-but just realize that you are human- and it’s going to take time to get through this. Grieving is just part of the process of healing. I have no doubt that you and your family will get through this and will be stronger individually – and as a family. I will continue to pray for all of you. I am thankful that you have chosen to continue to write. I am so encouraged by your trust in our Lord and Savior.