Stepping out in faith… it’s never easy. The unknown is a scary thing, especially when God asks you to leave something safe. I found that trusting God with Kayleigh was an absolute no-brainer. Not because I have some special, super faith, but because I had no other option. There was no hope on this earth, our only hope was in God’s healing.
I prayed for Kayleigh to be healed and to have a long life. God did not answer my prayers quite as I wanted, but He rarely does. During our journey Kayleigh asked Jesus into her heart which gave her eternal life – I’m pretty sure that counts as a long life. And I prayed for healing, and I know now she is whole and healthy in heaven. No, that wasn’t what I wanted, but for Kayleigh – she is enjoying perfection. As a mom I want the absolute best for my children. I find that I can be thankful that her life is now perfect but at the same time be sad for myself. I miss her, but her memory helps move me forward each day. She changed me – and I am thankful.
Before she died, I promised her I would write. I promised that no one would forget her, that I would continue to share her story, and our story of how God has carried us through. Returning to work and starting the foundation has left no time to write. The blog updates were really the extent of my writing and even those came to a stop on Mother’s Day. It’s been weighing on my heart that a change was coming. I’ve been feeling the Lord’s call on my life to write, speak, and share encouragement – but in order to follow that call, something else has to give.
Remember how I started this post? Stepping out in faith is never easy. It would have been awesome if God had asked me to let go of something I didn’t like to make room for this new opportunity, but that isn’t His way. He asked me to give up something I love dearly, something safe, something known, for the complete unknown. He asked me to have faith that this is His plan – even though I have no idea what the plan is. I don’t even really know what the next step is – I just know that He has called me to be obedient. I keep hearing this small voice in my head – “if you can trust Him with Kayleigh, why can’t you trust Him with this?”
So, I’m taking that step, letting go of what I know and love and praying for wisdom and direction for the next step. I have resigned my position at the company I have been with for nearly 11 years in order to make time to write. God has already been faithful to bring people into my life to help guide and direct my steps. I would certainly like a bit more of a plan to follow but as my friend reminded my today, my job is to just do the next thing – not to worry about what comes after that.
So stay tuned for new updates and new changes. One thing I think the Lord is leading me to is an occasional “Dear ‘Carrow” blog post. A place where you can send me questions and help guide the devotions or posts. I’m not sure exactly what it is going to look like, but I’m definitely going to need your help. Would you start sending your questions in? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org you can sign them with your name or something cute like you see on Dear Abby.
One thing I do know, stepping out in faith is scary, but stepping out with people that are already on our team makes it a little better. Knowing we have prayer warriors and friends like you makes a big difference. As we start this new phase of the journey this is my prayer…
30 He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.
And even though I cannot see where God is leading me, I have faith that He has it completely under control…
11 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
Yes indeed, he is a Good God – worth trusting in big things and small.
All of my children grew up at my office. I will miss Superior Steel so very much.
Why yes, I think I will work at your desk Granddady…
Serious steel calculations!