Monthly Archive: December 2016

It’s been one month. One month since our sweet girl took her last breath here on earth and opened her eyes in heaven. On one hand it feels like we just lost her moments ago, and on the other it feels like we have been without her for so long. It’s impossible to reconcile the feelings of loss, they are just too fresh. Yet every day, God is good to help us navigate the mine field of grief. Very carefully guiding our steps, keeping us from disaster.

Today we found ourselves back at St. Jude. It didn’t even register that this was the one month anniversary of Kayleigh’s death until I had to date a piece of paper. That was when it hit me. And while it was a little sad, it seemed like the perfect place to be today. We had the opportunity to see some of our wonderful therapists, nurses, and primary doctor. As we continue moving forward, our goal is to be advocates for DIPG children and families. This terrible disease has been around for more than 30 years and yet we still have no medical answer.

Tim and I spent part of our visit discussing how we can most actively find DIPG research, specifically. We have some thoughts on what we are going to do moving forward and we look forward to sharing those ideas with all of you once we have a plan in place. We are certainly going to need all of your continued prayers and support to make a difference. It seems there is little profit in pediatric cancer research so there is very little done. I think it’s time we change that. If nothing else, Kayleigh’s journey has created some new, loud, persistent voices for these precious children!

As you continue to cover our sweet friend Anna with your prayers please add our friend Lindsey and her family to your prayer lost. Lindsey is 15 and fighting DIPG. It just so happens our paths crossed today so I was able to give that sweet girl a big hug. Isn’t it beautiful how the Lord works out the smallest details for the perfect result? I’m quite certain it’s because I needed to ask all of you to be praying on Lindsey’s behalf. She is on the same chemo trial Kayleigh was on. She is experiencing some increased symptoms but our prayer is that it’s not tumor progression. Please pray for God’s hand to be on Lindsey and her family. For protection, wisdom, peace and healing!

So yes, it’s been a month. But as I reflect over the month I can honestly say there have been more good days than bad. More joy then grief. No matter what happens around us, hope remains.

Lamentations 3:24
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

Hebrews 11:1
11 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Romans 5:1-5
5 Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. 2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. 3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Greetings friends from the snotty, sniffling, sneezing, hoarse McClendon house. Thankfully, we are all just battling pesky season changing symptoms, nothing serious!

Tomorrow, Tim and I are headed back to Memphis. We have quite a bit of medical equipment we are going to take back and donate so other families will have what they need in serious situations. We were so thankful another family had done that. It’s how we were able to get a wheelchair to bring Kayleigh home in. The physical therapist was able to rummage through their storage closet and find what we needed. Otherwise, a special order wheelchair would have taken about 6 weeks. Since we only had 3 weeks with Kayleigh after leaving the hospital you can see where it was very helpful to have some things in hand. So, we are going to take everything we can, and then spend a little time visiting our St. Jude friends.

One person we won’t be seeing is our sweet friend Anna. That’s because Anna got to go home today!!! What a beautiful blessing for that little fighter. She get’s to be home for Christmas. I know she is going to bounce back so much faster with her family around her. Please keep her in your prayers, for her numbers to stay up and that she will get stronger each day. All of her latest scans were clear and cancer free and we are praying it stays that way.

As our days are settling down a little I am reminded that I cannot let my guard down. I need to be walking just as closely with God on the easy days as I have been on the hard days. All it takes is a small chink in my amour for the devil to wiggle his way in and plant seeds of doubt m, fear, and grief. I certainly don’t want or need that. Holding tight to my faith and the scriptures are what make each day bearable. How thankful I am that I am never alone.

Philippians 2:16
16 Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless.

Hebrews 10:35-36
35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

It’s been a good day filled with normal life. It’s hard to think about a normal day without Kayleigh. It catches me now and again, usually coming from the least expected sources. Seeing children’s clothes in the store, or a toy that I see and think about buying her for Christmas – before I realize she isn’t here to buy it for. Oh how I want to hold her precious face in my hands again.

And while those things are so very hard, God continues to bring stories to our attention about the difference Kayleigh’s story has made. Peoples lives and attitudes that her story has touched and changed. And somehow, those stories help. They ease the pain just a little. So, instead of drowning in grief I hold tight to my heavenly Father. He keeps my head above water and joy in my heart. No matter the situation, I have cause to be thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Our little family of four is safely back together again. My day of travel was long and uneventful. God was gracious to grant me traveling mercies. Traffic was a breeze, security was easy, and I was never in a rush. I even made it home in time to help with homework and tuck the kids into bed.

Being away for a few days was great to reset my spirits. It is my prayer that I will be able to hold on to that freshness for a while, and embrace what remains of the Christmas season. We really haven’t been feeling very Christmassy, we don’t have the first present under the tree! I certainly can see why the holidays are so very difficult after you have suffered a loss. It takes a great deal of energy to remain positive when you miss someone so much. I just keep reminding myself that Kayleigh is celebrating Christmas with the one it’s all about. What an amazing celebration!

We also have some health things going on with Grace and Cole. Some of you will recall not long after Kayleigh was diagnosed we noticed a growth on the back of Cole’s neck. The large baseball sized lump was checked out and determined to not need immediate surgery which was a blessing. But now it’s time to look into having it removed. Grace is also battling sinus issues again. She seems to have chronic inflammation or infection on one side of her face. She has been on antibiotics for 4 weeks and it isn’t clearing it up. We will be seeing an ENT for her next week.

We would very much appreciate your prayers over everything. The kids health, our spirits through the Christmas season, and just over us all in general as we learn to move on without Kayleigh on this Earth. How thankful I am for our wonderful Savior and the peace that comes from trusting Him.

Psalm 16:8
8 I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Good for thought…

What a wonderful few days I have had away from everything. I have enjoyed being with my colleagues immensely. I am so very thankful for such a wonderful company that has stood with us through Kayleigh’s sickness with nothing but love and support. I know how unusual that is but God has blessed us. Both my company and Tim’s company have been indescribably amazing.

Having Tim fly out for a day was icing on the cake. I certainly would have enjoyed a little more time with him here, but wow – flying across the country for 24 hours sure does make a person feel loved.

I would appreciate your prayers for safe travels home tomorrow. For traffic to cooperate on my way to the airport, rental car drop off to go smoothly, and general traveling mercies. I’m ready to get home, love on my kids, and start putting Kayleigh’s amazing journey down on paper.

My devotion a couple days ago just reinforced what God has been teaching me all along. That even though I don’t understand what His plan is, I do know that He is aware of all that is going on. His vantage point is one that knows the past, present, and future. So even when I am in a season of affliction, whether it be big or small, God deserves my trust.

Every day God continues to work on me. Teach me. Change me. I know I have many faults but little by little He is cleaning me up in His time and His way.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

I thought you all might enjoy the devotion. It is from Every Day In His Presence by Charles F Stanley.