Monthly Archive: March 2017

“Be Still”

“The Most profound need of your soul is to be still in the presence of God. Stop wrestling with your troubles or worrying about circumstances–the Lord Almighty is greater than all of the them. So calm your soul and focus on His astounding wisdom, ability, and timing.”

This is part of a recent devotion that ‘Carrow and I both read daily. We constantly tell our kids to be quiet and be still. God is telling all of us to do the same. I like to go and it is extremely difficult to just stop and find some patience and “Be Still”. It is very easy for me to get busy and let everyday stuff worry and stress me out. I can also put “my plans” first in the day and usually God will quickly show me how His plans are so much better if I would just listen in the first place. Most times if I had just stopped and listened first I would have saved myself and others stress and worry. Recently I think that ‘Carrow and I are afraid of being “Still” because we don’t want too much sadness to creep in. Everyday we continue to hear people talk about Kayliegh and how her story has affected their lives and those moments are shared at exactly when we need to hear them. God timing is perfect and so is His plan for us.

We are looking forward to a great Birthday weekend for ‘Carrow starting today. No, I am not sharing her age because I really don’t want to sleep on the couch. Around here we celebrate either the entire week or weekend surrounding a birthday. This one will definitely be harder without our Baby Duck.

Until tomorrow,
Tim

As one of my favorite verses says… God’s mercies are new each morning. After a blue day yesterday, today was better. How thankful I am that God’s promises prove true each day!

One of the many blessings God has given me is my family. This group of people that know me, and love me anyway. The people I can call when nothing is going right and I need to vent, scream or cry. The people that I know I can count on – one call, and they will come running. These are the people that gave me the foundation of faith that I would need to fight for Kayleigh and our family. I guess you could say we are a close knit family.

One of the most special people in my life is my Papa. George Nancarrow is my mom’s dad, my namesake. If you’ve ever wondered where you get a name like mine, it’s from him. You take Nancarrow, chop off the “Nan,” replace it with an apostrophe (because your mom is a teacher and people need to know it’s abbreviated), and tada… a new an unique name. My Papa is one of my constants. An anchor in the storm.

The day we came home with Kayleigh’s diagnosis I remember his words to me. “‘Carrow, we don’t understand this, but you’ve got to stay positive.” Stay positive – probably some of the best advise I have ever been given, if not the best. All through our journey my Papa would give me a hug, tell me that he and my Gran are praying for us, and remind me to be positive. If ever you wondered where my strength comes from it’s and easy thing to answer. My strength comes from the Lord, I learned it from my family.

Tonight we attended a beautiful dinner where Papa was inducted into the Morgan County Educators Hall of Fame. Not only has he made a difference in my life, but in the loves of so many children and adults that have been a part of our local school system. What a joy it was to be there to support this man we love so much.

I pray where ever you find yourself, no matter the situation, that you will choose to be positive. So many times I have head people say their circumstance determine their attitude. They are in a bad mood because they have had a bad day. Yet in reality, you always get to choose. You may not be able to choose your circumstance, but you always get to choose how you will respond. My prayer is that you will choose to respond positively. I can tell you from experience, when you choose to be a positive influence, you make a difference!

Acts 10:2
2 He was a devout, God-fearing man, as was everyone in his household. He gave generously to the poor and prayed regularly to God.

Proverbs 22:6
6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Proverbs 1:8
8 My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.

How thankful I am for family that loves the Lord and shares that with others.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Papa with his grand children. We didn’t invite the great grand children, that place wasn’t ready for that kind of event!

It’s a blue night at our house tonight. I don’t really know why, but it seems we are all missing Baby Duck tonight. I’m just thankful it is something that we are able to talk about with each other freely. I find myself reassuring the children that it is ok to be sad. We miss Kayleigh and that is a sad thing. We just don’t need to sit, soak, and sour in the sadness!

Tonight I sat with Cole as the tears ran down his face. My sweet boy is missing his partner in crime. As a mom, it breaks my heart not to be able to fix his hurts. Yet at the same time, I don’t want to gloss over those hurts, because Kayleigh mattered and she is missed. So, tonight, we talked about sadness being ok, but after a few minutes of sad we started just talking about Kayleigh. Remembering her attitude, spunk, and grit. And we talk about what we know – that she is in heaven, and that is so much better than here! Talking about our Baby Duck helps and brings healing. I don’t want Grace and Cole to feel like they can’t talk about her. I told Cole tonight, we will always be a family of 5. Just because she isn’t with us in body doesn’t mean she’s not always a part of us. That made him smile.

The more we walk this path of grief the more we learn. God is good to teach, guide and direct us every step of the way. We certainly would not be able to walk this path under our own power! The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. The closer I walk with the Lord, the more I realize I need Him for every detail of my life.

These lessons are not what I would have chosen for myself, but I am beginning to understand. In order for God to truly be glorified, I have to be broken beyond recognition. There could be nothing left of me to get in the way. And while the breaking is not something I would have ever asked for, I am so thankful for what the Lord is making from the ashes. I don’t have any idea what He is making out of me, but I trust Him and His plan.

Tonight I was flipping through my journal and can across this quote…

“Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict.” – Oswald Chambers

Oh how true this is. My faith is now my most intimate possession! I have seen what God can do. I have seen Him bring about good from the worst situation. I have seen God prove my faith to be true. That is my testimony, what I have seen, what I have felt. And I can say with complete certainty – God is good.

Psalm 18:30
30 God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

Philippians 3:13-14
13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

Press on friends.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Baby Duck and Brother Duck 💜💜💜

Psalm 111:3-4
3 Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty. His righteousness never fails. 4 He causes us to remember his wonderful works. How gracious and merciful is our Lord!

It’s funny how much I enjoy the Psalms now. They read much like my life. Some are sad and grief stricken, I can feel the pain of the Psalmist in the words. And the very next chapter may be full of hope, joy and praise. I don’t believe that is a coincidence. Life is full of raw emotions and abrupt changes. Absolutely no one has it all together. I know I don’t!

Life is about learning, growing, listening, and changing. The most beautiful gift Kayleigh gave me was this close walk with the Lord. God used her to teach me how to study His word, and listen for His direction. He used her to grow me and teach me. He used Kayleigh to make me a better wife to Tim, and mom to Grace and Cole. So many beautiful gifts from those six months. And these last four months, since she has been gone from us, that time has been used to draw me closer still. As much as I needed my Father while she was sick, I needed Him oh so much more after her death.

I read those verses above tonight and they struck a chord. Indeed, “everything He does reveals His glory and majesty.” The question is, are you looking for it? He promises us that His righteousness will never fail (Ps 111:3). He promises that all things will work for good for those of us that love Him and are called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28). He promises that nothing can separate us from Jesus (Rom 3:38-39). He promises that if we put our faith in Him he will save us (John 3:16).

God’s promises are overflowing from the pages of the Bible. Yes, hard times will still come. Yes, you will struggle. Yes, you will be treated unfairly. But NO, you are never alone. You were bought at an astronomical price. God gave His only son’s life for you and for me.

Now, understanding the pain of losing a child, that price hits so much closer to home. Not only was Jesus sacrificed, but every evil deed, every sin, every horrible thing was placed on his shoulders. I cannot imagine the Father’s pain seeing his child suffer like that. But oh how thankful I am that he chose to take my sin and pardon me. His sacrifice give me hope. It fills me with joy. From great pain emerges great blessings. You just have to be willing to look for them. I pray that where ever you are, you will start looking for God’s wonderful works. They are all around you in big things and small.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Happy memories

Acts 20:24 –
24 But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.

It’s amazing for me to watch the Bible unfold in front of me. Since Kayleigh’s diagnosis and death, words I have read many times before suddenly strike my heart in a completely different way. Never before have I truly felt the weight of that verse. “But my life is worth nothing to me…” yet now, I do.

During Kayleigh’s journey, I prayed so fervently that God would spare her life. That she would be the first to beat this disease. That the doctors would find a cure. That she would be granted a miracle. I prayed diligently that God would grant the desires of my heart. And then I began seeing the effect Kayleigh was having on the people around her. The difference she was making in people’s hearts, and I could see a glimpse of what God was doing. I felt Him redirect my prayers toward being thankful for our journey,because people were turning to Jesus. Yet my prayer didn’t waiver, I wanted God to spare my girl.

And as time passed the Lord continued to work on my heart. I continued to read His word and see the amazing things He had done in a different light. The magnitude of God’s miracles. I had hope, and I trusted my Lord completely. And Kayleigh’s story continued to grow. And then came the realization that God might require the life of my child in order to make a lasting impression on this earth, and bring glory to His name. There are no words for the pain that realization brought, and still brings. Yet even in the pain, I choose to trust.

You see, I know my God is good. All through this journey I have held tight to that promise. I never wanted to let go of Kayleigh. But slowly my heart began to understand that God needed her to complete His plan. That Him saving her would not have the same effect as Him taking her home. And oh so gently, my heart learned to say “Thy will be done.” I realize now, God required my surrender. Not just of my own life, but of Kayleigh’s. I had to be willing to let go of everything and trust Him completely.

So, now I read that verse and I could not agree more… “my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus.” My precious Baby Duck was a sacrifice. One that would draw attention to the Father and glory to His name. I can see that now. I can see that her death has changed lives, mine included. And now, my prayer is that God will use me to help other find their way closer to Him. That I will be able to tell of His grace, peace and mercy in the most difficult of circumstances. God has shown me that which matters most – sharing His greatness with others.

Oh how I still miss her. Even knowing that she fulfilled her purpose on this earth in perfect Kayleigh fashion doesn’t lessen the ache. But it does help motivate me. It motivates me to keep sharing her story, to keep talking about my Jesus. It motivates me to make the loss of my Baby Duck into an encouraging story. Only God can do that – bring beauty from ashes.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

This was the night I realized what God was going to require.