It’s been a strange and difficult few days. This war that continues to wage between what I feel and what I know. It’s a tricky thing – feelings. They drive us so completely. So often our feelings cause us to speak before we think, act before we should, and sometimes – run headlong into trouble. Our inherent self preservation steers us towards the things that make us feel good. I mean really – who likes to be sad, hurt, mad, or broken? We don’t generally sign up to be miserable on purpose!
Whether you have experienced loss first hand or not, you can at least imagine how terrible it would be to lose someone you hold dear. The feelings that come with that kind of loss are quite frankly, indescribable. They are dark, sad, and full of this aching despair. Very much like a thick fog that surrounds every, single, part of your life, seeping into every little corner – nothing is safe. And those painful feelings? They are normal. When something precious has been lost we mourn, it’s how we are made. God doesn’t expect us to stop feeling. He does however expect us to trust Him. To look beyond our feelings to His truths.
Sounds nearly impossible doesn’t it? If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, it certainly is impossible. However, with Jesus – everything changes.
Matthew 19:26
26 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”
I know I will fight this battle until the day I die. My human nature that is prone to fear, pity parties, and running away would like nothing better than for me to give in to the overwhelming feelings of sadness. But that’s not who I am. Am I sad? Yes. Am I broken? Most certainly. Do I miss my baby? More than words can say. But what I have found through this experience defies all logic. I have found that joy and thankfulness can coexist with the sadness. Somehow, they balance. I can miss Kayleigh, be joyful that she completed her task here on earth, and be thankful I had the privilege of being her mom.
The devil is going to throw curve balls. The hard part is choosing joy when you’re under attack – but the longer you walk with Jesus, the easier it becomes.
Romans 15:13
13 I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
This was today’s curve ball. These dirty socks were under the couch in my office. Usually I would be holding these nasty things with 2 fingers – but not this time. This time I held them in my lap for a while and then set them on my desk where they will stay. Rather than let them upset me, I chose to look at them as a sweet reminder. Thank you Jesus for dirty socks.
