Monthly Archive: May 2017

I’m sure many of you are like me – your life is filled well past capacity. Work, children, spouse, all vying for your time and attention. Most days I wake up with a “to do” list, work diligently all day, and by bed time the list is longer than it was when I started. It is so easy to allow repetitive days of busyness to overwhelm us. We find ourselves caught on a hamster wheel – running as hard as we can, but gaining no ground.

Our family has been living in that state of overwhelming busyness for months now. I wish I could say I always handle it with poise, grace, and dignity – but that would be a big, fat, Pinocchio nose growing lie. There are days when the pressure makes my temper short, my responses clipped, and my attitude poor. I allow myself to get drawn into the busy and fail to draw my strength from the Lord. What a rookie mistake! You’d think after 34 years walking with Him I’d know better by now.

Thankfully, I am learning. I’m learning to allow the Lord to guide my steps in all things – big and small. While I am surrounded by many good options to fill my time, I am learning to let God help me choose what is best. I’m working to be a better partner to Tim and a more patient mother to my children. Of course, I’m quite certain my children would test the patience of Job himself. I have a 12 year old daughter that acts just like me (heaven help us all), and a nine year old son that could talk the hind legs of an entire pack of mules.

I loves these precious children more than my own life, but as God is my witness, they know exactly how to push everyone of my buttons. And not just a little annoying tap or two, but full blown, lean in, bear down, and MASH the hound out of my buttons! There is some old, scary movie where the characters head starts spinning around while spewing icky stuff… yeah, that’s the vision in my head at the end of some days. My kids usually know it too, because my eyes get really big and quite scary, and by that point they are ready to head for the hills.

Those days – those “I’m a gnats eyelash away from a category 5 meltdown,” days – are the days I’m beginning to see the Lord make a difference. I love these verses

James 1:2-4
2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

So often we apply those verses to the big things in our lives that go wrong. An illness, death, losing a job – and those verses certainly apply beautifully. But guess what? They apply to the everyday trials we face every day as well. I am learning there is always something to be thankful for. There is always joy of you are willing to look for it, and accept that God’s plan is very often not the path you would have chosen for yourself.

Tonight, my sweet Grace came to me with her 800 miles of soaking wet hair, asking for help drying it. I had a million and one things that needed to be done – but the Holy Spirit gave me that “say yes” nudge. All those things I need to do – they can wait. We never know how much time we have with the ones we love, so I’m learning to listen to the nudge, and say yes. Sometimes the nudge tells me to send a card, write a text, or make a phone call – and do you know, I have never been sorry for saying yes to the nudge.

Tonight I also had the nudge to write, so… until the next nudge,
‘Carrow 💜

My girls have never favored one another in any way. And then tonight, as I was drying Grace’s hair, I saw Kayleigh’s hair. I could remember the feel, how it smelled and just how tender headed she was. A special little reminder, crafted specifically for my heart.

May 14, 2017

It’s Mother’s Day. Usually I enjoy this holiday, but this year it is incredibly difficult. I am so thankful for the many friends that have messaged me kind words today. But I’d be lying if I said it was an easy day. Celebrating Kayleigh’s birthday Friday and Saturday, and Mother’s Day today without her, has left my heart broken and battered.

Today, I just felt the need to be with Kayleigh. So when Tim packed the kids up to go see his mom for Mother’s Day I stayed behind and went to the cemetary. I took new flowers for her grave and a beach towel so I could stay a while. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Once the flowers were done I spread my towel out right on top of Kayleigh’s plot and just laid with her.

I know she isn’t there because I know right where she is. She’s whole and healthy, running, dancing and twirling in heaven. But it is still her spot. I laid on the grass talking to her, telling her how proud I am of her and the life she led. Thanking her for making be a better mom. It also gave me wonderful quiet time with the Lord. Time to cry and grieve, but time to thank Him for allowing me the gift of Kayleigh.

While I was there my mom came by. She brought me something she found under her bed. She doesn’t know how it got there or when, but it was a priceless gift. A hand made Mother’s Day card from Kayleigh. Based on the signature, I think it was probably last year. Thank you Jesus for precious treasures, even if those treasures bring me to my knees.

As I feel my self feeling particularly weak today, I am thankful for this verse

2 Corinthians 12:9
9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

I certainly have nothing in me worth offering, but Christ in me allows me to continue on each day.

If you have followed us for a while, you know I usually sign off “until tomorrow” but tonight I’m going to change that. I am going to say “until later” – because I’m not sure if I’m going to continue every day, or exactly what the Lord’s plan is for me. Don’t worry, I won’t be going far, I just want to take a little time and make sure I’m walking down the path God has for me.

Until later,
‘Carrow💜

Happy Birthday Kayleigh Blair McClendon! I know your first birthday in heaven was more amazing than anything I could imagine, but as far as earthly birthdays go – we rocked this one, Baby Duck! In true Kayleigh fashion we partied for two days, but this time it was with hundreds and hundreds of friends.

Most of you cannot imagine what it feels like from this side of things, and that is a good thing. I would not want anyone to have to walk this path – that is why the Prayers For Kayleigh Foundation is so important to us. We don’t want other families to have to suffer the same loss if we can help it. Today, we had our first fundraiser 5k & Fun Run. As I looked out at the huge crowed of people I saw love and support like nothing I have ever seen. And to be one of the recipients of that kind of love – I am so humbled, so thankful.

Friends from high school, college, softball, Facebook, church, the kids schools, and St. Jude were among the people here today. I told you I would share our amazing visitor tonight… Anna was here. Kayleigh’s Anna, her special friend from St. Jude, her battle buddy. Mike & Jodie loaded their car and all four kids up Friday morning and drove straight to Kayleigh’s birthday bash Friday night and were at the race this morning. Did I mention they live in Pittsburg??? Mike says it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump. But I think it’s more like a hop, skip, and a jump, and a jump, and a jump, and another jump!

Watching Anna today, it was so beautiful to see the sparkle in Her eye and bright smile. She is still battling side effects of the chemo and trying to gain weight but she is a fighter. She even ran & walked the fun run! Watching the video of her sprinting down the road, weaving in and out of runners did my heart good.

Once the race was over we enjoyed lunch with our friends, gave them hugs and they headed back to Pittsburg. Would you pray for traveling mercies, and that the Lord will continue to bless this precious family? And of course for Anna! Her last scans were clear, thank you Jesus, and now we pray they stay that way. Please be praying for her headaches to go away, nausea to subside, weight to come back on, and for peace without any fear!

This seems like the right verse for tonight. I know this family has helped us carry our burden and we will treasure them and their friendship always.

Galations 6:2
2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Happy Brithsay one more time Baby Duck. Your seven years were short but you rocked this world. You were the catalyst for change for so many of us, and we thank you for that. I miss you sweet girl, but I promise to fight hard for other kids like you and share the love of Jesus that gets us through each day.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow