It’s a blue night at our house tonight. I don’t really know why, but it seems we are all missing Baby Duck tonight. I’m just thankful it is something that we are able to talk about with each other freely. I find myself reassuring the children that it is ok to be sad. We miss Kayleigh and that is a sad thing. We just don’t need to sit, soak, and sour in the sadness!
Tonight I sat with Cole as the tears ran down his face. My sweet boy is missing his partner in crime. As a mom, it breaks my heart not to be able to fix his hurts. Yet at the same time, I don’t want to gloss over those hurts, because Kayleigh mattered and she is missed. So, tonight, we talked about sadness being ok, but after a few minutes of sad we started just talking about Kayleigh. Remembering her attitude, spunk, and grit. And we talk about what we know – that she is in heaven, and that is so much better than here! Talking about our Baby Duck helps and brings healing. I don’t want Grace and Cole to feel like they can’t talk about her. I told Cole tonight, we will always be a family of 5. Just because she isn’t with us in body doesn’t mean she’s not always a part of us. That made him smile.
The more we walk this path of grief the more we learn. God is good to teach, guide and direct us every step of the way. We certainly would not be able to walk this path under our own power! The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. The closer I walk with the Lord, the more I realize I need Him for every detail of my life.
These lessons are not what I would have chosen for myself, but I am beginning to understand. In order for God to truly be glorified, I have to be broken beyond recognition. There could be nothing left of me to get in the way. And while the breaking is not something I would have ever asked for, I am so thankful for what the Lord is making from the ashes. I don’t have any idea what He is making out of me, but I trust Him and His plan.
Tonight I was flipping through my journal and can across this quote…
“Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict.” – Oswald Chambers
Oh how true this is. My faith is now my most intimate possession! I have seen what God can do. I have seen Him bring about good from the worst situation. I have seen God prove my faith to be true. That is my testimony, what I have seen, what I have felt. And I can say with complete certainty – God is good.
Psalm 18:30
30 God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
Philippians 3:13-14
13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
Press on friends.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
Baby Duck and Brother Duck 💜💜💜
