Hello Prayer Warriors. I wish I could report a better day with no headaches but I cannot. Kayleigh has had a fairly persistent headache on and off (mostly on) all day. She has asked me multiple times why her head keeps hurting and I just don’t have the answer. Of course my greatest fear is that the tumor is already progressing again. I know it could be other things but progression is the giant white elephant in the room.
I am continuing to remind myself that God is not surprised by any of this. That while I am only able to see this one moment in time, and I am struggling to hand all my worries over to Him each day, He is seated on His throne looking at the entire picture. He is aligning every little detail perfectly for His plan to be accomplished. God is allowing our family to experience Him in new, intimate ways each day. He is growing our faith, building our relationships with Him and each other, He is teaching us, and He is loving us. No other experience could have drawn us closer to Him.
So, I find myself in this strange place. A place where I am seeing God work in amazing ways. A place where I trust God more than I ever have. A place where I have true communication with God the Father and it is beautiful. And yet even then, I struggle with worry. It is a constant battle within myself to choose to trust. To regularly stop, take inventory of my fears, and deliberately choose to lay those fears at the cross. Just because my relationship with Jesus is better than its ever been doesn’t mean the path gets any easier. It just means it takes me less time to realize what is wrong and give it over to God.
So tonight as I go to bed I still have to battle the fear of progression, the fear of choosing the right treatment plan for Kayleigh, and the fear that I am going to have to watch my precious baby suffer from these nasty side effects. Those are my fears. And God knows them, and He knows the all answers. So tonight I choose to lay those at the feet of Jesus plainly and openly. I am choosing to trust in the Lord and His inherent goodness. Tomorrow morning I will wake and have to do the same thing again and that is ok. Because I know God will continue to bless our family as long as we continue to be obedient to what He has called us to do.
Psalm 55:22
Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
Matthew 11:28-30
28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Please continue to pray with us for complete healing, a plan, and rest.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
