Author Archive: 'Carrow McClendon

Dear Baby Duck,

I miss you tonight. I miss you always, but these last few days I’ve spent surrounded by your softball friends and coaches. I’ve helped register and draft the teams for this year. I’ve watched each girl come in, growing up, and looking so much older than last year. And I miss you. I can’t believe this year there is no need to go look for “pretty” cleats and that you aren’t here to try to talk me into the pink bat – just because it’s pink.

Daddy and I had a fun meeting this afternoon with some guys from Huntsville Havoc. We did an interview with them, sharing your story and talking about what St. Jude means to our family. It was really wonderful to talk about you. I even shared some of your videos so they could get a glimpse of your spunky attitude. See, the Havoc is having a special event at this Saturday night’s game. They have had special jersey’s made and your KB 14 is going to be on them. After the game they will auction off the jerseys to benefit St. Jude. It is going to be awesome! Oh how I wish you could be there. You would have loved everything about it. But Daddy, Grace, Cole and I along with a bunch of family and friends will make sure you are well represented and remembered.

I know you are having the most amazing time in heaven. I would never ask you to come back to this messed up world, not even if I had the power to make it happen. I do find myself wishing sometimes that Jesus would hurry up and come back to get us. That way we could all be together. Not having you with me leaves a pretty big hole in my heart. But then I remember, you story is changing people’s loves. They are learning to trust and follow Jesus all because of you. And as much as I miss you, I know it is more important for me to tell others about Jesus so they have the opportunity to go to heaven too. If Jesus came back now so many would be lost.

So, we will all keep on sharing your story. Even though I am sad and miss you so, I will continue to find joy in my savior. I will continue to tell people about my beautiful, spunky, sparkly, baby duck. I will continue to be thankful for your life and the lives of Grace and Cole. You made me a better person, mommy, and wife. I wouldn’t trade a moment of my time with you for all the treasure in the world. Because of you, we can help others.

I miss you Baby Duck. I love you so,
Mommy 💜

Psalm 147.3
3 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Isaiah 61:1
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.

I just felt the need to talk to my little ducky tonight. Grief and loss are difficult things.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Wonderful memories from our softball family last year. Her love note message to the All Star team that drafted her and the. Night she received the MVP award. I hope this link will allow you to watch the videos

I’m so thankful my mom offered to post last night. I didn’t realize just how emotional the Smile-a-mile event would be. Even though we were never able to participate in a Smile-a-Mile event with Kayleigh, our hearts go out to any family battling cancer. SAM is an amazing organization. What they do for the children, parents, siblings during the battle and after is amazing. Of course they have services for the kids that are fighting cancer, but they have support services for the kids that beat it and for the families that lose their babies. It is. It an undertaking for the faint of heart.

Watching that room full of people donate so generously, to bless families, was beyond description. Honestly, Tim and I did well all night. At least until they showed the film of all the cancer patient enjoying camp. For me, that was too much. I couldn’t watch. As the video played, my focus was on the beautiful purple butterflies scattered around our table. They were just little paper cutouts, nothing over the top, but they reminded me of my girl. And while I miss her, I am so thankful for the loves she has changed.

To those of you who stopped us, and let us know you have been following Kayleigh’s story – thank you. Thank you for continuing to let us know that Kayleigh mattered and her story makes a difference. It seems whenever I start to get particularly sad, the Lord sends one of you, out of the blue, to remind me. And those gentle reminders keep me going. I didn’t expect anyone to know us last night, how silly of me to put boundaries in the Lord.

These verses from Hebrews always speak to me. It’s amazing how the same passages read at different times in your life strike you in different ways.

Hebrews 12:1-2
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.

I’ve always read this and thought of the “big” sins, major things that need to be set down and turned away from. But tonight when I read that, all I could think of are the “little” sins that trip me up. I use quotation marks because God doesn’t differentiate between big and little sins. Sin, is sin, is sin in God’s eyes. None are bigger or smaller than the others. All sin causes separation between us and our Father. But… humans are bad to rank sins. Those “big” sins are so easy to see, but man-oh-man… those “little” sins are sneaky. The little thoughts that slip in and go unchecked, the crummy attitude that comes out, wallowing in self pity… there are so many things that snare us and stop us in our tracks. Tonight, God is reminding me to set those down.

Tonight I’m intentionally setting down my sadness at His feet. Jesus knows my heart, He knows my grief, and He cares. He feels my pain… He also replaces that grief with peace and joy. Yes, I still miss Baby Duck deeply. That will never change. I walk through the house, see her pictures, and wonder how could this have happened? But then, I remember all that God has done and is doing, and my spirit is reassured that God’s plan is perfect. I am learning to find much solace in God’s peace through the storm.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜

Facebook gave me this memory today. My precious little Cinderella, mopping the living room. I remember that day so clearly, she was so excited and felt so grown up. Thank you Jesus for beautiful memories!

I am so thankful for a Godly mother. Tim and I enjoyed a wonderful evening at the Smile-a-mile “Red Nose Ball.” What an amazing group that does such wonderful things for kids with cancer and families that are dealing with it, fighting it. While we were out my mom so kindly sent me a post for tonight. I am blessed.

Wise words from Bess…

Three and a half months with no Kayleigh. I miss her laugh and her sassy little opinionated self. I miss her ponytail swinging side to side. I miss her good hugs and hearing her say, “Truly,” as she walked out the door. I can hear her calling me “Bessy Duck” and I would say, “Don’t call me Bessy Duck!” Who wants to be called Bessy??

Well, how I would love to hear that sweet little voice say “Bessy Duck!” She loved my baked beans. I made them last week and they just did not taste right. Before I fall in the pit of depression, the Holy Spirit nudges me and reminds me of His endless blessings in my life. The problem is how often do I yield to His nudge? What blessings do I miss when I plow forward in life? It just occurred to me that my wild week is a result of plowing forward on my own power. I finally had a quiet minute to regroup, to exhale the sin – the sin of independence and the attitude of I can do it myself, AND inhale His love and forgiveness. You’d think after the last nine months, I would know better. My all-time favorite verse is…

Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

So when depression hits and my path gets crooked, I want to acknowledge Him and slow down to feel His nudge, He is always there, waiting and I think He is probably thinking what took you so long? Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on me!

How thankful I am for a mom that loves Jesus.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Yoube got to love the red noses

We had a wonderful time!

These precious butterflies were on our table

Snuggles with Bessy Duck

It’s been a good day. Yes, hard moments are mixed in with the good but I am learning to work through them. Or really, just be still through them. Be still and pray. It’s amazing what kind of peace comes from those moments of prayer. It’s also amazing just how quickly to Lord settles my unrest.

As our lives return to normal, I am excited to have opportunities arise that I can share Kayleigh’s story with others. I’ve prayed that the Lord will direct me and He has been gracious to do so. While I am excited to share Kayleigh’s story, I can’t tell it without talking about what God has done in my own life. And I think that’s an important piece of what I am supposed to share, but I never want me and my story to become more important than God’s story. I find myself praying often now that God will take me out and all focus can be on Him, what He has done, and His glory. Because, wow… God is amazing.

As I was searching for verses to speak to my heart tonight I found myself in Jeremiah. Of course the verse we chose for Kayleigh is Jeremiah 29:11, but tonight I was in chapter 17.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

And there it is. My job is to be planted by the streams of living water. My hope and trust is in the Lord. If I keep my focus on Him and what is important, following Him, then He is going to take care of all the details. And I’ll just keep on giving God the glory for molding, shaping, and changing this sinner.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

God’s got this. We just have to hang on!

We’ve made it through the middle of the week… Yay! It’s still pretty crazy around here but it’s mostly good crazy. With everything going on I’m trying to learn to prioritize. Reminding myself that while there are many good things going on around me, God has a specific plan for me, and sometimes good things aren’t the best things for me.

So, I find myself praying for God to direct me to exactly where He wants me to be. To the best place for me. You know, if we don’t learn to do what God has called us to do, and choose to follow our own plan, really – we are just getting in the way. Those tasks belong to someone else. Those tasks are someone else’s “best.” What a thought! I get in a hurry doing everything that comes across my plate, when in reality, some of those jobs belong to someone else.

I found myself praying last night that the Lord would guide me. Help me lay down what needs to be released, and focus on His plan for me. I had some very specific prayer requests and He answered them quite clearly. That doesn’t always happen, but when it does it gives me chills. He always grants more than I could ever imagine. And each time He answers my prayers so precisely, He builds my faith. Strengthening my foundation a little more each day – so that when the storms pick up, and the enemy is attacking, I am not rattled.

Sometimes I look at what the Lord has done in me and I say “wow,” God is amazing. But then I look at how far I have to go and I know I will be a work in progress as long as I walk this earth. It seems the more I learn about my Savior the more I realize just how desperately I need Him for each and every breath. How thankful I am that He never leaves me.

Deuteronomy 31:8
8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Psalm 37:5
5 Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

This is how I feel sometimes when I’m trying to lay down something I want to do because I know isn’t God’s best for me!