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Softball season is in full swing. I love this time of year, being at the park, watching kids running everywhere, visiting with parents. It’s always amazing to see how much the kids mature, grow and improve year to year. As much as I love it, this year is hard.

As with so many things, my perspective has changed. Looking around the park I no longer see strangers and opposing teams, I just see family. I see the people that rallied behind us, prayed for us, raised money, and loved us. My favorite part is the hugs from Kayleigh’s friends – they haven’t forgotten her. While it brings me so much joy to see them growing up, it breaks my heart at the same time. There is no growing up for Kayleigh, she will be forever frozen at 7 in my heart.

It would be so very easy to allow myself to stay in the sadness. There are certainly plenty of things to mourn and the devil likes to remind me of what I’ve lost. What I am coming to understand more each day is that it’s not about me. It’s not about what I’ve lost. It about what Kayleigh has won. It’s about eternal life. It’s about running the race that is in front of me, trusting that God’s plan is perfect and that He is sovereign above all else. It’s about looking past the pain of now to the hope of the future.

Amazingly, when it stops being all about me, and becomes all about God, everything changes. Joy replaces hopelessness and peace replaces anxiety. This verse from Job says it perfectly…

Job 43:5
5 I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.

Yes, I’ve heard about God and His goodness all my life, but now I have seen it for myself. Some things simply cannot be understood or appreciated fully until they are tested.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

These have always been some of my favorite verses. So many of the people close to me are battling difficult situations. Pain, grief, loss, sickness, the giant lurking shadow of the unknown. It would be so easy, and so perfectly human, to allow worry of the unknown to take control of our lives. But that is not how we are called to live. Those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus, we are told over and over “do not fear.”

I pray each of you will make the choice to trust – even when it doesn’t make sense.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

I’ve been noticing a theme in what the Lord has been saying to me the past few days. It’s been very much focused on faith. I have found God reminding me of how He has cared for us these last 11 months. Reminding me that the refiners fire is at work, burning away the junk and only leaving what is good and pure. When you find yourself in the center of calamity, you quickly realize what is important. Kayleigh’s diagnosis did just that, all the junk that filled our lives and made us “busy” just fell away, it wasn’t important anymore. And now, almost 5 months after her death, our perspective is just… different. Good different.

A friend sent me the following quote from a local church sign – “Unless our faith is tested, we really don’t know what kind of faith we have.”

God certainly tested our faith, and I don’t believe He’s done. As long as we live, God will place opportunities in front of us where we get to choose. Choose to believe He is who He says He is, and will do what He says He will do, or not. I’m not going to tell you it gets easier, because it really doesn’t. What does happen, is your confidence grows. Confidence in God and His plan – and with that confidence comes this amazing peace.

But being tested is a difficult thing. Being willing to submit to being tested is a huge struggle as well. All of us are going to find ourselves in difficult situations at different points in our lives. I’m beginning to understand those moments in our lives are the catalysts for change. Moments where if we choose to allow God to work in our lives, He will grow us in amazing ways we never dreamed.

James 1:2-4
2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Testing teaches us, grows us, helps us, and guides us. It is necessary, and ultimately, it is worth it.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

My arms miss holding her, but our time araprt is but a tiny piece of eternity.

Tonight you get a special message from my mom.

My sister, Donna, died suddenly 20 years and 2 days before Kayleigh. She was only 39 years old. She and Rob had just adopted a precious baby boy, Camp. She went to the hospital at noon and died at 10:00 that evening – an infection and died? What was God thinking? How can it be in His plan for a baby to grow up without a mom? I heard these comments over and over, but I could not question because there was no earthly answer.

There is no way to understand the grief unless you have lost your only sibling, the one that was always smiling, the one that would find the best in every situation no matter how terrible, the kind and compassionate one. Her death left a gaping hole in our family and I still miss her so, but God blessed me with special Donna gifts.

My birthday was a month after her death. I went to Family Dollar and wrote a check. The cashier said, “Are you Mrs. Metcalf’s sister?” She told me how Donna had loved and cared for her daughter while they were going through a difficult time. She said, “We would never have made it without her!” After 20 years, I occasionally get more Donna gifts and it makes my heart smile. Ironically, Kayleigh always reminded me of Donna – just another GIFT!

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17

Rarely does a day go by that I do not get a Kayleigh gift – a story or memory. Some say they hesitate to share because they don’t want to bring it up and make me sad, but it is wonderful to hear how her life made a difference. A mom that never met Kayleigh tells me that Kayleigh illness opened the door to talk with her children about Jesus, Kayleigh’s friend that asked Jesus into her heart and the list goes on and on. These gifts are a reminder of Donna and Kayleigh’s purpose on earth. They completed their mission on earth and left us here to share how God’s grace is sufficient in every circumstance and His love is unconditional.

Little did I know that 20 years after my sister’s death, I would be standing at her grave while my granddaughter was being buried. There was some comfort in knowing that she was near Donna, and that they would be together when Jesus returns. We have God’s promise that we will be reunited, if we have accepted Jesus as our Savior. This is truly the greatest gift – the gift of eternal life. I stand amazed that Jesus would give his life, not only for me, but for me AND anyone else who believes on his name.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

So I am saved by grace through faith, not because of anything I have done, but it is a gift!! As much as I look forward to my Donna and Kayleigh gifts, they do not compare to God’s greatest gift.

Most of you have been following Kayleigh’s story for a long time. Thousands read it and never comment. Many of you know Christ as your Savior, but there are some of you that have never accepted the free gift. Let me encourage you to click on the link in the comments below to find out how to know Him personally. It is the most important decision you will ever make. If you make the decision, tell someone. Find out what to do next.

​​​ I can’t begin to understand God’s way, but I know He loves these two more than I do. My hope is in Him; He is my refuge. What a gift!!

As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the Lord is tried; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him. Psalm 18:30

Until tomorrow,

‘Carrow💜

https://www.cru.org/how-to-know-god/would-you-like-to-know-god-personally.html

We’re back!!!

It was wonderful to get away. We very much enjoyed finishing our trip from July. It was sad not to have Kayleigh with us – it was the completion of her wish. I know she would have enjoyed every minute of the rides, characters, food, and fun. As we walked through the parks I saw many things that reminded me of her. Most of those things made me smile. The one that caught me off guard was her shoes.

I was sitting on the ground outside of a ride waiting for Tim, Grace & Cole, enjoying a little shade, peace, and a bottle of water, when Kayleigh’s purple tennis shoes walked right by me. Had I been sitting at a table I would have never even noticed. But from my vantage point I saw the purple Nike’s with the teal swoosh and the velcro tab. They were the right size, attached to the same scrawny bird legs, on a little brunette the right age, shape, size, and wearing the right kind of clothes. I count myself exceptionally blessed that I didn’t fall a part right there on the curb in Harry Potter’s world. Those shoes rocked me, but rather than make me crumble, it sent me running to my Father. Seeking solace from the Prince of Peace himself. Thankfully, He is generous and met me with arms wide open.

I found myself looking down on and off through the remainder of the trip. I even saw those shoes again on a different little girl before the trip was over. It’s amazing how the smallest things upset the entire apple cart. What is also amazing is just how quickly the Lord can get me back on track. Having seen His goodness on so many occasions, I am learning to trust Him quicker each time. Amazingly, when the perfect One is driving, things run much better than when I try to do it myself. You would think I would know better by now!

Psalm 16:8
8 I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

While our trip was wonderful, It’s good to be home. Plans for Kayleigh’s Birthday Bash are in full swing. Tickets are on sale, race registrations are coming in, and volunteers are ramping up to make this an awesome event. St. Jude even sent us 42 huge boxes of swag to hand out. It’s going to be fantastic!

Our “Flat Kayleigh” came with us

We even bought her a wand in Harry Potter world. You might be asking, “Which one?” – why, Ginney Weasley’s, of course. The pretty little sister!

And then, this little duck joined us for dinner one night. Our little reminder of Baby Duck.

Boxes and boxes of St. Jude swag

This is going to be awesome!