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Philippians 4:19
19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

How amazing it is to be cared for by a God that loves us and tends our every need. Recently I was talking with the Lord, sharing by hurts. Most days truly are good days. But there are times, often at night, when I am tired, my guard is down, and grief just comes crashing through. As I sat on my bed with tears streaming down my face I told the Lord that I understood His plan was perfect. That I would never want Kayleigh to return to this broken earth when she is perfect and happy in heaven. But even knowing those things doesn’t make me miss her less. The emptiness of my arms is just overwhelming. I told the Lord, “All I want to do is hold her face. Trace her nose and brows like I used to do to help her sleep. Kiss her precious head and hold her face in my hands.” All I want is the impossible.

Move forward a couple of days. I am in Kayleigh’s room trying to go through some of the things we have accumulated over these months and put away things from Memphis. As I am in the depths of her closet I touch something strange. As I uncover everything and pull it out the tears begin to flow. From the bottom of Kayleigh’s closet I pulled the desire of my heart. It was Kayleigh’s face.

Her radiation mask to be exact, but it is her perfect little face resting in the palm of my hands. I sat in the floor of her room, closed my eyes, and ran my fingers down the bridge of her nose, around her eyes, across her brows. I could feel every bit of her profile. I could kiss her head. God answered my impossible request.

Honestly, I sold the Lord short. I told Him what I wanted but I never expected Him to actually answer the request. To my human mind it was an impossible request that had no way to be answered. This would be a prime example of how the Lord continues to answer my prayers in the most unimaginable ways. The desire of my heart was to touch Kayleigh’s face, and He provided me a way to ease my heart.

Tonight as you go to bed are you selling the Lord short? Are you not asking Him for something because it seems ridiculously impossible? Psalm 37:4 says
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” If you are doing your part, serving the Lord, walking His path for you, taking delight in Him, His word tells us He will give us the desires of our hearts. Not only that, God will take care of you better than you can imagine and bless you infinitely more than you can think or ask. What a gracious, compassionate father we serve.

Ephesians 3:20
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

All I wanted was to hold this face…

And this was how God granted the desire of my heart 💜

What a lovely weekend it has been. For the first time in longer than I can remember we had no obligations. Due to the threat of severe weather the kids were out Friday so we wound up with a long weekend. We stayed home, sat by the fire, watched movies, enjoyed being together, and worshiping together as a family today. Between God’s word and time with my family I feel restore and ready for a new week.

Our new normal is steadily growing. We are learning how to be a family of four. Learning how to be kind to each other, trying to extend grace and mercy – often times when the other person doesn’t deserve it. We’re learning how to wade through grief that shows up as sadness or anger. Learning to turn to the Savior when we don’t know how to respond or what to do with all the rolling emotions.

Slowly but surely I am watching our family change, heal, grow, and transform. Watching God answer our prayers and direct us down His path. How thankful I am for His abundant grace, abounding patience, and limitless love.

Romans 12:2
2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜

I pray she has good cause to grin like this in heaven. Oh how we love you sweet girl!

God Chose You…

John 15:16
You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.

Those were the first words I read this morning. How amazing and humbling at the same time. God chose us – you and me. Not because we deserve it or because we have earned it, but because He loves us. He sees us, even in our brokenness, and He loves us.

That love, should we choose to accept it, revolutionizes our world. It empowers us to walk through the most difficult situations. It allows us to extend grace and mercy to those who have hurt us. It gives us the capacity to love others that doesn’t make worldly sense. It heals our deepest hurts and fill our hearts with joy.

It does not say anywhere that we will be spared from trials, trouble, sadness, grief or pain. This world is broken, and those things are a product of the brokenness. But, God does tell us that we are never alone. And that we have eternity to spend with Him, in a perfect heaven, for those of us who choose His free gift of salvation. What comfort and joy!

Where ever you are, stop for just a minute and know that the God of the universe has chose you. YOU! Whatever your background, God can use you for His glory – if you’re willing.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

We made it to the weekend! Can I get a hallelujah? This week was full of ups and downs. Struggling to find a routine that once was so normal but now seems like a challenge. It’s so strange how everything is so familiar. I mean, this was our normal life until last May – but now it is somehow exactly the same yet totally different at the same time. Probably because I too am the same but different. Kayleigh’s journey has altered me on a fundamental level. My perspective has changed. I’m quite certain that is a God thing. I don’t know why I need this new perspective but I’m sure God will reveal that reason to me in His time.

Thankfully, God is good to stay close with me as I navigate the new, different, sameness. Only He can make sense of my head and heart, and keep me on the right path. My devotion tonight reminded me that more often than not His plans are not the same as mine. But when that happens, it just means He has better things in store for me than I can imagine.

Isaiah 41:10
10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

I pray that as you find yourself in hard situations you won’t be discouraged. that God will be who you look to for guidance and direction.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

This is one of my favorite pictures. I look at it and wow, I miss that sweet girl. But I trust my God. I know His plan is for good, not just for me but for Kayleigh, Grace, Cole and Tim as well.

2 This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. 3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. 4 He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
-Psalm 91:2-4

Oh how true these verses are. As our family transitions back to work and school there are so many things that can go wrong. So much unknown which can easily breed turmoil. Yet that has not been the case. Sure, we have moments where the waves of sadness catch us. But we have learned to trust our faithful God. Learned to turn our faces toward Him and seek refuge in the shelter of His wings.

No matter what your situation may be, the same is true for you. There is nothing too big for God. There is no situation you face that takes Him by surprise. And while you may get startled or scared by the unexpected, if you make the choice to trust God, you too will find safe shelter under His wings – no matter what is going on around you.

We have learned to live this way out of necessity. There is no way our family could have survived Kayleigh’s cancer and death with out our hope in Christ and God’s immeasurable peace. While this is not the way I would have chosen to learn this lesson, I know that it is one that will resonate with me for the rest of my life. I have experienced this peace. I know what it feels like to walk boldly, confident that God is at work and His plan is perfect. I have stood in the center of the storm, watching the winds swirl around me – and been able to smile, because no matter how hard the storm tried, it could not reach me. And none of those things have anything to do with me, but everything to do with Christ in me.

I pray each of you will hold tight to your faith and find a way to smile at the storm.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

Oh how I love friends that send me pictures of purple sunrises. I’m sure Kayleigh is enjoying the view from heaven!