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Thank you Lord for a wonderful Thursday!

We started the morning off a little rocky, Kayleigh had a nasty headache when she woke this morning. I’m sure it is because she was completely exhausted from the first day of school, but those headaches, no matter the reason, always give me pause. It was bad enough to make her nauseous but thankfully not sick. With the way she looked I thought I would be keeping her home this morning – but I was wrong. The headache passed and she was ready for school! She had a doctor’s appointment today so it was an abbreviated school day which didn’t wear her out and she is looking forward to tomorrow. She even felt well enough this evening to swing by the softball fields and say hello to her friends.

Her doctor’s appointment also went well. I am so glad we decided to seek supplemental support for Kayleigh’s treatment. We know medicine is a wonderful thing but we also know that we can do things to help the body balance, regulate and allow everything to work better. Just in the last week we have seen subtle improvements in symptoms and vast improvement in her emotional state. Sometimes we rely too heavily on science and fail to take into account the human aspect. Medicine doesn’t fix insecurities, worries or fear – but when we address those issues, and can find a positive perspective – everything looks better.

Since Kayleigh’s diagnosis God has been hard at work in me. It kind of feels like a super speed, crash course on how to walk closer to God. It’s an awesome course but a little terrifying at times. I’m seeing Him make changes in me that without such a massive catalyst, would have taken years to come about or possibly not happened at all. Because I am choosing to walk closer to Him, He is able to replace my anger with hope and fear with peace. He is also giving me more perspective – I can see when you are in a situation that you have no control over it is easy to get lost in self pity. We (people in general) are quick to blame – ourselves or other people (I struggle here). We get angry. We get lost in the negative. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s completely unhealthy. I had a gentle reminder today that it’s up to me to break the cycle. So this is your reminder – it’s up to you to break the cycle.

Whether you have something big going on like a major illness or you have a plethora of the small things nipping at you ankles, eating up your joy, you get to choose how to respond. Human nature tells us we have the right to be mad or sad. God tells us that our identities are in Him and that the storm doesn’t even matter. Because if we are centered in Christ, walking His path, focused on Him, we aren’t worried about the storm anyway. I mean, you’re walking with the One who can calm the storm with a whisper, right?

So let the storm rage all around you – and smile. Because if you have Jesus, you have already won. Keep your focus on Christ and draw your joy from Him. He never runs out.

1 Peter 1:6-9
6 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 8 You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. 9 The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.

Prayer request – this is a big one… We need the trials that we sent scans to let us know if Kayleigh is a candidate. Time is getting short. We know God already has the details worked out but would appreciate your prayers on our behalf!

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜

August 10, 2016

Three months. It was three months ago today when our world turned upside down. And do you want to hear something crazy? I’m thankful.

I’m not thankful for this nasty disease. I want nothing more than for Kayleigh to beat this and live a long, full, healthy life. I want the doctors to figure out how to beat it so we are not losing other children. I want us to figure out cancer and how to kill it. I am however thankful for what Kayleigh’s cancer has brought about.

God has done so much these last three months. He has proven His faithfulness day after day in big things and small. He has provided all our usual needs for our family thought our wonderful employers. He has sent funding through numerous other channels for the unexpected medical costs. He has opened doors, directed our paths and cleared a way in every situation. God has used the story of our sweet girl to unite a town. It was a wonderful town to start with, but now the sense community is phenomenal. Purple is still everywhere, even 3 months later. I still see purple Kayleigh tshirts every where I go. Complete strangers stop and tell me that they are praying. And not just them but their friends, families and churches. It is so incredibly encouraging. And then you look at this little Facebook page. Her story is touching hearts all over the world. And every person Kayleigh’s story reaches, it is our prayer that they see the amazing love of Jesus and the mighty hand of God at work in what seems to be an impossible situation.

So yes, I am thankful. I am thankful that God has chosen to use us as He sees fit. I trust that His plan is perfect even though I don’t know what it is and I can’t see it. I’m thankful for all of my precious children – for the first day of school, for the extra time I am being allowed to spend with them, for the amazing snuggles and for how I am learning to treasure every minute of life. So many good things to continue to grow out of the ashes.

So, on this 3 month anniversary I am please to announce that Kayleigh had a fantastic day at school. We had a small mishap with the slide, going to fast, and an abrupt stop at the bottom but other than that she did great. Amazingly, she stayed the entire day! I even managed to cook dinner that met all of our new dietary restrictions and it was actually good. See, today was even better than yesterday.

Please keep praying for complete healing this side of heaven. Also for all the scans that are out, that we will hear from them and find out if Kayleigh is eligible for any of the trials. We as parents want a plan but we are learning to be ok when we find ourselves waiting on Gods perfect timing.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

August 9, 2016

Happy Last Day of Summer! School officially starts tomorrow and I do believe we now have everything we need to kick of the school year. Grace and I finished the last of the shopping tonight, we cut it a little close, but we made it!

Kayleigh is excited to start back. Still a little nervous but I think excitement to see her friend is starting to out weight the nerves. She is back to being filled with spunk and sass, just the way I like her. I asked her what to tell you all tonight and she said “tell them we’re all fine and give them two thumbs up.” So here you go… 👍👍. Kayleigh says life is good!

Today was certainly a better day for me than yesterday. The devil was still on the offensive but I handled it a little better. I managed to get pretty battered by all those little things Sunday and Monday. So much so that just recounting the events on the blog drained the remainder of my emotional reserves and I would up a frustrated crying mess last night. And if you know me, you know I don’t cry often.

But as always Gods promises are true. I slept last night and awoke to a new day – full of new mercies. And while the devil was still hurling little things my way, i made it through the day. Maybe not with my usual ease, once I get drained like that it takes me a little time to refill the stores, but we made it. And tomorrow will be even better. I just have to rebuild one day at a time and God is good to grant me the strength I need moment by moment.

So tonight I can say “thank you Jesus” for an “eh” kind of day. It wasn’t fabulous but it was certainly better. Of course any day I can end by snuggling with my children is a good day. So really, I’m saying Thank you Jesus for a good day.

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜

August 8, 2016

We have passports!!

Not to say it has been an easy process. The enemy has been on a full scale attack going after every possible detail. We left yesterday evening only for me to realize I had left the confirmation number at home. The automated appointment service is quite adamant that you must have that number in order to keep your appointment so we turned around and went back to get it. Then I couldn’t find where it was written down!

We packed up every possible notebook it could be in and got back on the road an hour later. Grace started flipping through notebooks one page at a time as I proceeded to make 5 calls to the automated line trying to make another appointment just in case. Of course Grace found the original conformation number the same moment I was writing down the new one. So frustrating!

For a person that trust the Lord so easily in the big things I struggle with the small. Maybe because I feel like those are small things I should be able to control and when they crumble so do I. I kept reminding myself that God’s timing is perfect so I shouldn’t be bothered but honestly, I struggle.

We made it to the hotel by midnight but it took another hour to get the kids down. That was about the time that I remembered I still needed to fill in the passport forms. Finally Tim and I crashed about 2:00 am with our alarms set for 6:00 since we needed to be at the passport agency before 8:00.

Thankfully, the kids got up and moving this morning without too much fuss and we made our appointment. God certainly paved the way for our passport process. It was tedious but smooth. We had no trouble dropping our documentation off and were out the door before 9:00! We killed time waiting for the passport books to be made by stopping at Starbucks, IKEA & Tin Lizzy’s for lunch.

I had another fun hiccup leaving IKEA. As we were walking out the door neither Tim nor I had the keys to the car. Both of us were convinced the other one had them last. Thankfully they were not locked in the car – I actually managed to leave the keys on the back bumper parked right by the front door where everyone had to pass by. Obviously that could have been very bad. I am so thankful the Lord protected us from that disaster. But it still didn’t help our tired, stressed out moods.

We finally made our way back to the passport agency at 2:00 pm and had the passports by 3:00. We probably would have had them a lot sooner but I forgot to check in when we returned to let them know we were waiting. So we sat, and sat, and sat. Once we were finally done Kayleigh really wanted us to stay another night to just hang out but we were oh so ready to come home. We did make a quick pit stop in Heflin to visit some of Kayleigh’s friends. I must say, she has picked up some awesome friends along the way. We very much enjoyed visiting with the Alabama State Troopers. She tried hard to talk them into giving her a taser but thankfully they held strong. One did however let her know they have pretty purple tasers at Bass Pro. So we spent the last 2.5 hours of the ride home listening to Kayleigh’s reasons she needs a taser. Heaven help us!

I must say, I like writing positive encouraging posts much more than this kind. I like feeling and being positive and encouraging much more as well. But this blog is my open forum for what God is really doing in our lives. And today is a day for you all to see that I’m just a hot mess too, just like everyone else. I am so thankful that most days God blesses me with encouraging words of wisdom but honestly, I’m thankful for this hot mess day too. Because now you get to see the real me. The me that walks tall with the burden of brain cancer but can be crippled by something as trivial as a trip to Atlanta.

The enemy is a crafty foe. He goes for our soft spots. He knows he cannot have us so his hope is only to hinder us, burden us, and do anything possible to make us ineffective. I could have easily omitted all the stuff that made me look bad in this story, but then you wouldn’t have had a very real picture of me. So, thank you Lord for even the crummy day, because testimonies are about real life and this is as real as it gets.

Days like today help me understand what Paul was saying in Romans 7 about struggling with sin and doing what he knew he shouldn’t. If you are unfamiliar with the verses I have copied them below or maybe you just need a refresher or maybe you’re like me and today hasn’t been your best day either. Just remember tomorrow is a new day and Gods mercies are new every morning. Let’s both choose to have a better day tomorrow!

Lamentations 3:23-24
23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. 24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”

Romans 7:14-25
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. 21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

Until Tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜

This is one of those dates a mother writes down in the front of her bible because the day is one to remember for ever.

We had the tremendous joy to witness all three of our children follow the ordinance of baptism together this morning. To make it even more special Tim’s dad, a retired minister, and our dear friend and student minister were the ones to do the baptizing. Family and friends drove from near and far to join us and more dear friends provided lunch for all 50 of us. Truly, it was a wonderful day!

After lunch Cole and Kayleigh both had open house to meet their teachers and drop off school supplies. We are thankful to have been blessed with wonderful teachers to surround our kids at school. Classes start this Wednesday! Cole is ready to go, he loves school and is looking forward to being with friends again. Kayleigh is excited but nervous.

As I think about how life has changed so quickly I can understand Kayleigh’s nervousness. Before brain cancer she was just an ordinary little girl with ordinary little girl problems. She struggled with fitting in and felt like she had few true friends. On multiple occasions last year she came home from school sad because she felt left out by the other girls or she had been made fun of for various reasons. She’s always been very concerned about what people think or say about her. And now things are so very different. People are glad to see her, people we don’t know will stop us and tell her that they love her and they are praying for her. And sometimes people want their picture with her. She looked at me one day completely bewildered and said “mom, it’s kinda like I’m famous”.

And she’s right. She kinda is. Because I share so much about her everyone feels like they know her. As a parent it is awesome to see so many people rallying behind her. For Kayleigh it is cool most of the time and a little scary the other but over all she handles it well. Yet as school approaches she still remembers last year and not feeling accepted. Her biggest fear is that she will be laughed at and I can’t promise she won’t be but I pray she won’t be. I truly think that she will be well received and do great, but until that is proven out I think she will have butterflies.

So as you continue to pray for healing this side of heaven please pray for Kayleigh’s nerves to calm and for her to enjoy school and being with friends. You can also pray that we are able to get passports for Tim, Grace & Cole tomorrow. We drove to Atlanta tonight for an 8:00 am appointment to get expedited passports. We are expecting to hear back from the different trial options this week and just want to be prepared to leave at a moments notice. I think we have all the documentation needed but if you would pray for us to find favor with the people we come in contact with and for things to go quickly and easily that would be awesome.

Acts 2:38-39
38 Peter replied, “Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 This promise is to you, to your children, and to those far away—all who have been called by the Lord our God.”

Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜