It’s been 3 months. Three months since I laid in that hospital bed, in the center of my living room, holding my precious baby, watching her breathe her last breath. It was 10:05 am. I can’t remember what time she came into this world but I can certainly remember the exact moment she left it.
I try not to dwell on that memory – the one where she leaves me. I try to focus on all of the good. The memories of Kayleigh happy. Her beautiful smile, sparkling eyes, and all that hair. Her amazing school. The softball community. I look for the good, that is how I push forward each day. Working to create her foundation. Increase awareness for this tragic disease. Raise funds for research and to help other families that are fighting to save their children. That is Kayleigh’s legacy – one of hope!
Of course it never fails, the devil works hard to keep the clouds overhead. Tonight at a softball meeting I discovered that our local softball board requested that the little city field Kayleigh’s age played on be named after her. Oh my goodness, she would have loved that. But then they tell me that they have been working on it since she died but they cannot get permission.
I realize that while my loss is huge to me, it isn’t important to everyone. And while my head understands that, it hurts my heart. I just keep reminding myself, Kayleigh mattered. No matter what value, or lack there of, other people place on her – I KNOW she made a difference. She made me a better person and her story has encouraged so many. Even though my heart hurts, I will strap on my armor, and I will find a way to stand. Even when the devil hurls the most hurtful things at me – he will not win.
Ephesians 6:13
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.
It seems appropriate that today would also be “International Childhood Cancer Awareness Day.” I can assure you that we have become determined advocates for pediatric cancer. We can beat this together.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
