Hello friends – today was the first work day of 2017 for me. Actually, it was the first day of work for me since May 10, 2016. I have been blessed beyond measure to take leave from work to care for Kayleigh. I am so thankful for the time I have had with her and with my family. I did not miss a single, precious moment of her life. What a beautiful gift.
After Kayleigh’s death I just wasn’t ready to return to work immediately. While I find it therapeutic to write each night, I couldn’t imagine resuming work or answering questions so soon after her death. I decided to take off through the holidays to take care of Grace and Cole and try to get our new lives in order. I am so thankful for that time as well. Time to process, grieve, and find my footing. As always, God’s timing is perfect. He blessed me with enough time – and then, the desire to return to work.
As I lay down tonight, I can say it has been a good but difficult day. Good to be back with friends, family, and co-workers that I love. But hard to resume normal when my heart feels anything but normal. I keep reminding myself that moving forward is not leaving Kayleigh behind. In truth, moving forward is taking me closer to her, little by little. And while I move closer to her and eternity, my job is to try to help as many people as possible find hope in dark situations. Joy in pain.
I know for a fact my faith in Christ Jesus is all that has carried me. Each morning He give me the strength for one more day – and that is enough. All I need is one day at a time. One. Day. At. A. Time. And my eyes on Jesus.
Hebrews 2:1b-2a
1b And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2a We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.
Even though today was a hard day, I am looking forward to tomorrow. Because I know each day God will heal my heart a little more. Each day will get a little better, a little easier.
Until a better tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
