Wow, Tim did a great job last night. I was so thankful he was willing to write. I just didn’t have anything in me. The closer my birthday gets the sadder I become. Not because it’s another year, a long time ago I remember my dad saying, “It’s better than the alternative,” and that’s always stuck with me. Yes, it’s another year, that’s a reason to be thankful. I just don’t want to have a birthday without Kayleigh.
This time last year I had no idea it would be my last birthday with her. I hadn’t started treasuring every moment. I have no pictures of my 37th birthday. I took it for granted. Just another birthday, I assumed we had many, many more. Tomorrow is my 38th birthday, and there is no Baby Duck. I have no idea why this is hitting me harder than anything so far, but it is breaking me.
Thankfully, I have a Savior that loves me, knows that I am hurting, and never leaves me. Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” I am learning just how true this verse is as I witness the Lord bind up my brokenness. I continue to hold fast to the knowledge that His plan is perfect. I trust that my grief is a part of His plan – somehow, God is going to use this for good. That does not mean that I like the pain, but knowing there is a purpose – that helps.
Romans 8:28
28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
I would appreciate your prayers for peace. My prayer is that I will be able to enjoy my family. That I will always treasure my memories of Baby Duck, but that I will not be trapped in the past. I pray I will strive for the future God has planned for me and my family. Even as the tears are falling, I can still say my God is good, for that I will always be thankful.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
This picture was after my birthday last year because that jacket was a birthday present. We were one of the only ones to catch a fish that morning. It was fun.
