Thank you Jesus for another day. Even as each day gets harder I am so thankful for each minute we have with our precious Kayleigh. She has continued to sleep nearly all day. She has very brief moments where she stirs and may even try to say something. But she falls quickly back to sleep.
Her deep sleeping was a blessing for me today. Since she was resting so well I was able to go to the softball field and watch Grace play for a little bit. And not just any tournament, but a Kayleigh fundraiser. It was wonderful. What made it even more special was the team Grace played on. Our town is blessed with some very talented young ladies, and while they are all good friends most of them play travel ball with different teams. But not today. Today those precious girls and their families came together to play as Hartselle. They never had a practice together, they just showed up this morning to play. And play they did. I can’t remember the last time I saw so much fun. The girls had a blast , and wow were they good. It was so good to get to be a part of that today.
Of course I couldn’t stay gone forever, Kayleigh started asking for me just before I arrived home. That’s another “thank you Jesus” for perfect timing. While Kayleigh struggles to communicate many things she can still say “mom” clearly and that does my heart a world of good.
Unfortunately, not long after I was home Kayleigh started struggling. Her oxygen level is falling and her breathing is much more rapid than it has been, as well as very shallow. She started stiffening her legs or arms and arching her back. Her hand was in constant motion and she was in an overall fretful state. I could tell she was trying to say something but couldn’t get it out – so I started asking questions. Does your head hurt? No. Does your stomach hurt? No. Are you ok? No. Are you afraid? Yes.
I don’t know exactly what she is afraid of. It may be that she can’t speak. It may be that I was gone. It may be that she is realizing that her body is dying. I don’t know what it was but oh how it hurt my heart. So I just started talking to her. Praying over her out loud. Trying to think of every possible fear and combat that fear with hope, prayer, and God’s word. Thankfully, Kayleigh eventually calmed.
Being human is a difficult thing. Kayleigh’s distress brought me to my knees quickly. Even once the storm passed for her I found myself lost in my own storm. Grief and fear. Kayleigh suffering, Kayleigh afraid – those are my fears and oh how it tore out my heart. I’ve spent hours tonight battling my human desires to doubt and worry. Doubt and worry have no place here. I know in the days to come I will have to battle these waves of grief more and more, but I know my God is good. As I sat and read His word I found rest. As I listened to music it brought me comfort. And the perfect devotion at the right moment helped me shake lose and grab hold of His peace again.
Learning to rest in the Lord is hard. But that is my choice. I am going to rest in Him and continue to trust that He knows what is best for all of us. And in all of that He grants me peace.
Psalm 91:1-2
91 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2 This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
Sleeping Beauty
A great day with my Grace
I didn’t know this pic was being taken but it is one of my favorites now 💜
Praying for you. I reminded my boy when he said “I’m terrified”…and I’d say, “it’s ok! Jesus was afraid to”. I would hold him and sing to him…also send out a prayer SOS to our whatsapp prayer groups. As the messages came in I would remind him that people are praying for him. This always calmed him.
I am in South Africa and this is how far Kayleigh has had an impact.
Like my boy, it seems her Heavenly Father wants her home. My prayer is that God will give you all…especially Kayleigh, the grace to go through this journey…as He did us…although fear had a tight grip on my life at the time.
This has been an extremely tough journey for our family, but a journey of amazing GRACE!!!
Lifting you all up in prayer… (((hugs)))
I just came upon your post today and what an inspiration you are God is making a way when there’s seems to be no way with love and strength for each new day. This is a verse from a song by Don Moen and for 21 years it has been music I needed to lead me just one more day. You and your family are going thru what no family ever wants to go thru your faith is shining strong your beautiful daughter is comforted knowing you are their by her side I love how you calmed her with your voice and song may your days and hours be filled with peace.
Such a beautiful family! Praying for you all! You ought to take Kayleigh outside to see the super moon if she’s awake tonight, I’m sure she’d love to see it! Hope all gets better!
Sweet Kayleigh and her family deep and heavy on my heart today! Prayers and more prayers! I remember being at this point of life with my grandfather. He wasn’t able to communicate, or really be awake, but was agitated. I climbed up into his bed and nestled in his arms, just as I had done for my entire 35 years, and talked to him about anything and everything. I know he was listening, and our hearts were conversing even as I spoke the words. He settled into peacefulness, and drifted to heaven. It was the most precious moment for me and brings me such comfort even now- almost 20 years later.
( can you tell I was ‘his’ girl?❤️ ) My prayer for you is that you are immersed in peace as you store up precious moments with your angel. Know that God will guide you to do and say exactly the right thing to bring her comfort. My prayers for your whole family will continue