Oh how my heart is hurting tonight. Kayleigh is still with us but continues to decline too quickly. She has slept nearly all day. Her food and water intake has decreased drastically and she lost nearly all ability to communicate. She isn’t able to speak and isn’t really able to even nod any more. We have increased her anxiety medicine to help with the jerking and constant restlessness. That has helped and she seems more peaceful. My concern now is that she cannot tell me when she is in pain. So we just have to use our best judgement as to whether or not she needs pain medicine.
She is still able to hold on to me. As I wrap her in my arms she will squeeze my arm or pat me. Oh how I treasure those moments. I spend my time whispering prayers asking for comfort, peace and mercy. Telling her that I love her. Letting her know that it is ok to go with Jesus when He comes for her. Stroking her soft cheeks knowing that my time to be able to do so grows short. I’m trying to store up those feelings, those memories so I won’t forget. But my heart is breaking tonight because I know with time her memory will fade. I’ll forget how it feels to hold her. I’ll forget what it feels like to touch her. I’m so thankful for the pictures and videos I have to remind me.
As I sit and pray tonight all I can ask for is that the Holy Spirit will intercede on my behalf. I simply to not have the words to express this magnitude of grief. I am SO thankful for every moment with this baby. Even with all this hurt I would not trade a moment. And while my grief is deep my hope and faith are deeper. I trust my Heavenly Father. That doesn’t mean it removes my pain, it just helps me see it in a different light. Never did God promise me that this road would be easy. Actually He warned that the road would be hard – it’s just that the reward is worth it.
Because of my hope in Christ I know this separation from my baby will be only temporary. We have eternity to be together. And while the time I still have in front of me on earth may seem long (God willing) it’s really only a drop in and ocean of eternity. So tonight I weep. I weep because my mother’s heart is still breaking. My beloved daughter is drifting from me and I can do nothing to stop it. But I know God is with me. He will not leave me. He will not make me walk this alone. He will carry my burden as long as I am willing to let him.
I know there has been much hate in the world today. The election has brought out the worst in many. Tonight I would ask that you lay all of that aside for a bit. Hold your children a little longer. Take a moment to be thankful for your health. Take a step back and choose to be thankful for the blessings in your life. One thing I have discover on this journey is that every day has its blessings. Even our worst days still have good if we make the choice to look for it.
Psalm 34:18
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 55:22
22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
1 Peter 5:7
7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow 💜
My heart is with you Carrow. A woman and family I have never met, but love. Thank you for letting us into this raw and beautiful place. You are an example of a “sacrifice of praise.” One who thrusts her spirit to focus on reality and not the flesh. I have held and said goodbye to 3 of my children, the pain is unknowable unless you have walked through it. Please know I am praying for you. Not just saying this, but am. God has given you the right ways to be present in where you are and I’m so proud of you. Continue telling others your heart. Even if it seems impossible or may not make sense, for it is these testimonies that people are searching for to see if God is real and if it is true that one can walk through pain and feel His comfort, Love and truth. He is everything He says He is Carrow and so much more. You will see so much more of His Love for you and your family. It is so deep. I’m praying for you and I love your sweet princess Kayleigh. She is so precious and so very loved and cherished. Keep worshipping over her, praying and speaking God’s Truth. Her spirit is active and attentive! You are helping her connect deeply into the eternal! So many angels are in that room with you. They are Worship angels. They will sustain you. With so much love, A Mom in Texas.
Oh my sweet daughter of Christ… praying grace for you and your family, and of course sweet Kayleigh. My heart’s breaks for you. God will carry you.
I want to say something that will help your spirit. I want to help you in some way, my heart breaks for you. But I know you have so many people with the same desire.to help you n some way. Just know that you have so many people
Following your sharing of Kaleighs day and as I have I try to see if you have wrote anything first thing I do on my computer
Give her a kiss on her forehead
And tell her a lady n Scottsboro loves her. And there’s a whole lot more that loves her and you a lot. Bless you.