Acts 20:24 –
24 But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.
It’s amazing for me to watch the Bible unfold in front of me. Since Kayleigh’s diagnosis and death, words I have read many times before suddenly strike my heart in a completely different way. Never before have I truly felt the weight of that verse. “But my life is worth nothing to me…” yet now, I do.
During Kayleigh’s journey, I prayed so fervently that God would spare her life. That she would be the first to beat this disease. That the doctors would find a cure. That she would be granted a miracle. I prayed diligently that God would grant the desires of my heart. And then I began seeing the effect Kayleigh was having on the people around her. The difference she was making in people’s hearts, and I could see a glimpse of what God was doing. I felt Him redirect my prayers toward being thankful for our journey,because people were turning to Jesus. Yet my prayer didn’t waiver, I wanted God to spare my girl.
And as time passed the Lord continued to work on my heart. I continued to read His word and see the amazing things He had done in a different light. The magnitude of God’s miracles. I had hope, and I trusted my Lord completely. And Kayleigh’s story continued to grow. And then came the realization that God might require the life of my child in order to make a lasting impression on this earth, and bring glory to His name. There are no words for the pain that realization brought, and still brings. Yet even in the pain, I choose to trust.
You see, I know my God is good. All through this journey I have held tight to that promise. I never wanted to let go of Kayleigh. But slowly my heart began to understand that God needed her to complete His plan. That Him saving her would not have the same effect as Him taking her home. And oh so gently, my heart learned to say “Thy will be done.” I realize now, God required my surrender. Not just of my own life, but of Kayleigh’s. I had to be willing to let go of everything and trust Him completely.
So, now I read that verse and I could not agree more… “my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus.” My precious Baby Duck was a sacrifice. One that would draw attention to the Father and glory to His name. I can see that now. I can see that her death has changed lives, mine included. And now, my prayer is that God will use me to help other find their way closer to Him. That I will be able to tell of His grace, peace and mercy in the most difficult of circumstances. God has shown me that which matters most – sharing His greatness with others.
Oh how I still miss her. Even knowing that she fulfilled her purpose on this earth in perfect Kayleigh fashion doesn’t lessen the ache. But it does help motivate me. It motivates me to keep sharing her story, to keep talking about my Jesus. It motivates me to make the loss of my Baby Duck into an encouraging story. Only God can do that – bring beauty from ashes.
Until tomorrow,
‘Carrow💜
This was the night I realized what God was going to require.
